Private Dancer - Tina Turner

It's embarrassing to admit that I have several Tina Turner albums and singles in my collection. It's even worse to admit that none of these are from her turbulent but creative partnership with Ike. But embarrassing as that is, it's nowhere near as embarrassing as a school friend admitting that he had a crush on Mrs Turner. Whether he could no longer live with holding in the guilt or was in a confessional mood the result was the same - our jaws hit the floor. "But she's ancient", one of us offered.
"Yeah like she's forty or something", another stated.
"You need help!", a third offered.

He went on to explain that he thought it was maybe the legs but it was too late. The fact was out there and running amock. Please pardon the juvenile expression but our mate was a granny grabber.

His only saving grace that this was in a time when social networking sites were just a blink in some geeks eye. But instead of Twitter we had something much more deadly; Snigger. Forget Twitter, Snigger was much more effective; begnine, silent and deadly. We couldn't wait to tell the rest of the world. When Snigger was combined with the playground the result was that gossip and intrigue travelled at twice the speed of light. It's true.

Tina Turner's career, it has to be said, definitely has two phases; the serene soul stage and the cod-rock portion. Unfortunately 'Private Dancer' is for the latter and being a mid-eighties album it has a super glossy production that removes what little soul was on display. It's not to say that there aren't any good songs on here it's just that they could've been so much better. Just imagine how good 'Better Be Good To Me' would've been without the clunking drumbeat.

The reason that I have this album at all is simple to explain and has nothing to do with legs. You see the title track was written by Mark Knopfler for Dire Strait's 'Love Over Gold' album but rather than make that record it was gifted to Mrs Turner. So as an enthusiastic Dire Straits fan I had to check this out. I'm sure somewhere there is a Dire Straits version but it's probably locked away in a vault never to see the light of day.

And as for our confessional friend? Well he got over the scandal as Snigger trended onto something else..... "someone had spotted so-and-so holding hands with you-know-who......"